I saw the headline on Huffingtonpost one day I am the Worst Mother in the World. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lenore-skenazy/more-from-americas-worst_b_96175.html Of course I had to read it. If I can't really improve on my parenting skills I can at least feel better about myself because I'm not as bad as someone else. Sad, but true.
The gist of the article was that this woman, who lives in New York, (Manhattan, I believe) sent her 9 year old on the subway by himself so that he could learn to orient himself and be self reliant. I don't know if she had him secretly tailed, or if he had a cell phone or if she sent with a metro card and said, "follow the bread crumbs home." It must have ended well, because she wrote an article about it. The uproar over her actions was deafening. It was even a hot topic on The View. (Sadly, I was watching The View).
This reminded me a conversation recently. Are we over protective of our kids? Are we thinking there are pedophiles and muderers around every corner? When I was a kid, we slept with our friends in tents in our backyards, rode our bikes without helmets to many places that I realize now my mom had no idea where I was. And my Mom was pretty protective. I managed to survive to adulthood.
To juxtapose the worst mother in the world, I have some family in Germany who just started their 5th grade son in gymnasium. Gymnausium is the more rigorous, academic track in German education, it's not a full day of phy-ed. :-) Their son, in Stuttgart, takes a train for 20-25 minutes every day to get to school. He's very proud, and feels very independant. This isn't uncommon. Another friend said her relative in Paris had a 9 year old son who showed all of the family around when they visited, because he knew the city so well. In Europe, sixteen year olds take 2 week trips with their friends around Europe by themselves. Unfortunately, when our teenagers do that, it ends up on a Girls Gone Wild DVD.
Here's my final example to leave you with, and throw into the muddle of the cultural stew. In book club one night, we were talking about children, independance, self reliance, etc. (BTW, we were reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls-very good) One woman in our group had done a home stay in an African country. I want to say Ghana, but I'm probably wrong. She slept in the same bed as the 2 year old girl, and her mother. Every day, the 2 year old got her self up, got dressed, got her piece of bread for breakfast. Her mother brought this two year old out to the public bus, put her on it with her fare and said she was going to pre-school. Our friend said this demonstrated the public trust. If someone on that bus tried to take the little girl, other people on the bus would speak up, stop them and say that she was supposed to go the pre-school.
Would that happen here? Maybe that's why we're so paranoid, because we don't think strangers would stand up for us, or our children.
By the way, my kids will probably be sleeping out in a tent in the yard this summer. It will be their third year. We make them sleep with the dog, right below our open window. The only thing we're worried about are the bears. I guess I'm the worst mother ever.
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2 comments:
I loved this bit of advice that another mom gave her daughter: If you are ever separated/lost/need help, find a mom to ask for help, even if she is a stranger.
LBH
I was so proud of my 5 year old daughter last week when she refused a free candle from a creepy guy in a leather jacket at a furniture store. She was trying to get my attention from across the room because she wanted me to see it. The I watched as he told her she could have it she said no. Turns out he worked there and they were trying to get rid of stuff. I praised her for refusing a gift from a stranger and left the store a notch more confident in her good judgement.
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